Unutterable
by bayouchicklet
Summary: What are Jack, Kate and Sawyer thinking as they are being held on the pier at the end of Live Together, Die Alone... here's what I imagine ...Jate


Here's my first fanfic about what is going on inside Jack, Kate and Sawyer while they are standing on the pier in "Live Together, Die Alone". Please review, constructive criticism much appreciated!

OF course, I own none of this, it's a "just for fun" exercise of the great characters created by JJ Abrams and Damon Lindelhof...

**_Unutterable_**

He knows he would give is last breath to spare her another second of sorrow and that simultaneously his wrong judgement has led them to this predicament and the danger she's in.

He, the man of science, finds himself crying out to the God he thought had abandoned him... and knows that he had been the one to leave... He cries out for protection for Kate and that somehow they might all survive this crucible and be together.

He tries to put everything he is thinking, feeling into his look... keeping fear at bay and not showing despair, but hope... for her sake.. In the white-hot crucible of suffering and grief and loss Jack feels his defenses burn up like dross in the smelting furnace -- leaving only the molten truth of his love for Kate.

Kate knows the painful regret that is torturing Jack... her old unwelcome companion. The pain of seeing Tom dead is a pinpoint of grief compared to the limitless horizon of what she feels for Jack now.

She wills her fear and grief away and and pours love and acceptance and forgiveness into him through her eyes... she sees his grateful eyes drink it in, swallowing hard to harness her emotions. No matter what they take from her, she will carry the truth of their oneness with her. For the first time she understands death as separation rather than simple extinction. A death of sorts to be separated from this man... but death cannot extinguish life forever... somehow they will be together.

Her eyes are fearful and courageous at the same time... filled with grieving and a glimmer of hope. They are asking him the question she needs an answer to before they die... the hope of that answer so much more than hope of escape could ever mean.

"Do I really matter Jack? Do you truly see Kate, the real Kate... are you truly not sorry I kissed you?"

Jack knows somewhere in his head he should be taking these precious seconds to look around at their surroundings and their captors... planning a break for it -- but he is powerless to do so. He is out of options -- he cannot triage this, even the illusion of having some control has been stripped from him, from them all... and he is face to face with himself and Kate... no more time, no more hiding, no more running -- not her from her past or him from the fear of hurt...

His heart and its self-imposed quarantine of emotions blown from its hinges like the hatch door -- his attempt at self protection now as meaningless as that twisted metal lying pointlessly in the jungle...irreparably open now and accessible from this instant forward.

He stares intently, puts all the intensity of which he is capable into a look, and time seems to stop and fast forward simultaneously. He knows they will only have this instant --- maybe all they will ever have

He unshutters the windows of his soul and lets her see to the core of his brokeness and need and how he loves her -- beyond reason, beyond hope and more than life.

She is breathless - can barely swallow, not because of the painful gag cutting into her face, pulling it into an uncomfortable grimace, but because of what she sees. No words, how she longs for words and yet regrets so many she has said to this man... wishes she hadn't said "I'm sorry I kissed you..." because she's not and wants him to know... and sees that he does know...

Wishes she hadn't said, "I don't want to be Eve..." because she simply is his Eve, just as he is her Adam... on this pier in this desparate moment... they are the only two people in the world... as much alone as the the primordial couple in that other Eden. She no longer denies or hides the truth from herself -- realized in this instant and embraced at last.

She too unshutters the windows of her soul and lets him see... She is bound, restrained and yet freely makes her choice. "I choose you, Jack" -- she slowly blinks - willing him to understand -- to see the truth of their bond in her face and eyes... unbreakable, unbendable, undeniable and indestructible even in the maw of imminent destruction.

The world around them is not there, it is only the truth and the love and the power of his eyes and hers, saying all their voices cannot.

The rough burlap bag descends over Jacks head -- but he can see her still --- and as she sees his face become shrouded, she cannot look away to protect her heart from the memory of it

"Let me see the truth unflinching... no more running, I'll share everything there is left, even the agony of parting...even that", as her captors shroud her head as well.

Sawyer breaths deeply, the con-man and deceiver realizes in that moment that the one he has most successfully ever decieved is himself. He has read the naked truth in the excruciating intimate mutual gaze between Jack and Kate and unable to tear his eyes away, felt as if he were seeing something sacred, unmeant for his eyes.

The pain and grief of his own loss will come soon he knows and he suddenly sees Cassidy's eyes before him. She looked at him like Kate looked at Jack, and

now, only years later can he recognize that look. a knife twists in his gut...why not then... why now? The burlap shroud falls over his head and his spirit cries out, 'I'm sorry, Cassidy... I loved you as much as I knew how... I do still love you... I'm sorry... and the darkness of the shroud is nothing compared to this agonizing recognition...Circumstances have not made him who he is...they have only revealed him to himself.

Jack want to say "goodbye, Kate" but not goodbye -- surely they will be together - maybe not in this life - but like the two sides of a single coin the two edges of a knife blade, the are simply indivisible...finding meaning and purpose and being each through the other.

The longing for words subsides in them both... because no words can express what they know and feel... it is too deep - words could only obscure the reality of their oneness -- each gives up the inner struggle to utter the unutterable.


End file.
